Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
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