I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
only you would photoshop your dick
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
Randomize
