can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
What a dumb baby whore.
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
Randomize
