A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
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