Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
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