Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
Randomize
