There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
Randomize