That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
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