He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
Randomize
