I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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