make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize
