someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
yup put them legs up on your shoulders and eat her like some folgers
eat her like coffee?
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
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