Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
You know, be my cock's hype man.
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
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