When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
Randomize
