Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
Randomize
