were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
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