I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
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