last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
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