I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
Randomize
