he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Randomize
