so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
Randomize
