It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
When did we convert life to cartoon?
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
Randomize
