If i come over, it means nothing
I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
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