That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
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