BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
Randomize
