Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
Randomize
