Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
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