I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
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