I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
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