he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
Randomize
