I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
foreskin is a definite game changer
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
Randomize