he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
Randomize