How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
Randomize
