Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
Randomize
