The maid of honor just puked.
hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
Randomize
