Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
Randomize
