My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
is that a dick in a sweater?
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
Randomize
