well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
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