If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
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