Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
Randomize
