I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
Your penis caused this!
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
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