nut hugger
note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
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