these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
Randomize
