First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
Randomize
