we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
Randomize
