If you're really into hairy Serbian chicks, Cleveland has a lot to offer(216): We're going to cougar night, the serbian chicks are the best aged.
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
Randomize
