I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
Randomize
