Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
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