Mel Gibson is dating a 24 year old
You're not Mel Gibson and I'm not 24.
Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
Randomize
