I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
Randomize
