Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
Randomize