i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
Randomize
