I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
Randomize
