yes i saw that this morning. it was my mailbox.
Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
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