Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
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