did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
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