just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
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