watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
Randomize