boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
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