just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
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