dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
Randomize
