Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
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