hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
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