my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
i've created a new STD.
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
Randomize
