the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
Randomize
